clara chan. 19. trying to figure things out.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
into the week
Hey. Happening week I guess. Came down with the bloody stomach flu virus which gave me fever, body aches and made me puke all day even though I ate nothing. Eek. Made teaching that day a total hell. and I wanted to make mel’s last day fun. But I couldn’t even talk or walk. Sucks. Sorry girl.
Yea mel left pcps to for a more stable admin job. I guess it’s sorta the right thing to do considering she gets thousand four a month now, instead of the couple of hunndres pei chun pays us. But I miss having her around in school. And since Justin has tons of work to do, I have no one to talk to in school now. Maybe the office people. Haha oh and the kids too. But only during recess. =( but the kids are way too cute for me to not leave. So continue to call me! =)
The blasted virus made me reject 2 relief teaching jobs, missed out on an outing with oh and zhilun’s debut soccer match for this season. That TOTALLY sucks. Big time. Oh wells. The jobs are gone but at least I met up with oh yesterday and hopefully zhilun will play again, so I can go. =)
Catching up with oh was awesome. We just blabbed like no tomorrow. I miss being in school with her. Just the ding dong and the dong ding hanging out being silly. Haha. I always need people like her around to keep me sane. =)
Smss choir con was amazing! They have improved tremendously since I graduated years back. It’s always good to see things moving on for the better and the girls striving for excellence, like we all should. What has happened to smss debate after we left was just painful to hear. So the choir con was a fab reminder that things in smss are still cool.
But I missed out on og29 outing! =( it was canclled in the end but still! I wanted it to happen. I miss everyone so much. Og29 is the primary reason why school was amazing from the start to end literally. They were there before I knew anyone else. And were there to the very end. I miss those guys. =(
Uni apps are done! All I do now is hope and wait for good news. So please! =)
Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot. And after hearing, seeing and reading stuff. I’m starting to wonder. I want to know what kind of person I am. What kind of daughter, sister, granddaughter, employee, student and friend I am. Politics kills. So it’s always better to know the truth and nothing but the truth. But it’s hard to get there. And I’m starting to question myself. Like am I the best person that I can be? Am I sacrificing some people that I shouldn’t for others? Do I actually know what the hell I’m doing? Sometimes thinking too much kills you. And when I look at the kids in school, they seem so happy. Like the only thing that bothers them is whether they will be able to play catching during recess. And I’ve been having weird flashbacks into the past, when I was a kid. and what a total bitch I was. Just because I thought I was doing the right thing then. I totally hate myself over it. and I guess that’s why I put so much pressure on myself now. How I have the need to make people happy. And how I find it hard to say no to people even thought things are getting overboard. And I ask myself, am I doing the right thing. And honestly, I have no freaking idea.
Oh wells. I better go off now. See yaz.
10:31 pm
