clara chan. 19. trying to figure things out.
Monday, March 06, 2006
confused
Remeber i once said that i'm afraid of pissing people off with what i say or write? well today i think i just did. I actually shot a personal attack at keith today while we were aruging. I didn't actually realise that it was that bad until i said it and my friends reacted. They were saying it wouldn't be that bad if it was to a girl but to a guy, i really burst his ego. So well i felt bad, as usual and they said i should apologise so i did. But he told me to stop apologising. I guess what lynette said was right, maybe he is sick of hearing me apologise since i usually shoot something at him which is usually quite harsh but don't intend it to be , feel bad afetrwards and apologise. But i think this is a perfect example of how i should process what i'm going to say first in my big dumb brain before i actually let the words leave my mouth.
It really isn't like me to shoot personal attacks. One of the first things i learnt in debate was to NEVER EVER shoot persoanl attcks at anyone. Arguments made must be fair and never perosnal and yet i did it today.One of the biggest mistakes anyone can make. I feel as if i forgotten everything that i have learnt during my debate days. The main aims of any arugment is to actually bring the point across and do so in a persuassive manner and not through personal attacks. Oh man i can't believe i'm feeling so horried over one mistake today. I guess it's because i really hate to hurt my friends' feelings and i don't want my friends to think that i am crude or something that i;m not. And forgetting what ever that i have learnt is also something difficult to swallow. But never mind , i'll be extra careful next time, remembering to watch my words.
Anyway on sunday i woke up to extemely shocking news that my friend's mom had suddenly passed on. My whole family was just stunned. My mom had last saw her on the day of collecting a level's result and she did recall her looking frail and weak. But my mom never would guessed that my friend's mom would have passed on all of a sudden.
i wasn't sure if i should go to pay my last respects as i have always been afriad of such stuff remembering that when the late Mrs Caroline Lee passed on, i cried for five days. Her pale body kept repeating in my mind and i could never get a proper rest, always thinking of her. But i decided to go, remebering that she was a pleasant lady, always giving my family food that she made. When i was a kid i was actually afriad of her, cause she always hugged me when she saw me. And i wondered who would do that. But now i appreciate it and i remember when i last spoke to her a few months back, she was really nice and chatty. But now she has left us and all i can say is rest in peace.
To her family, please stay strong and i know you can. You are not alone in this world, there are still others who will be there to support you throughout this journey.
Now i'm trying to appreciate life more and learning how to correct my flaws and errors. I want to be with my friends and hope that they can help me improve to be a better person.
Right now it is second orientation and i want to have some fun. I will play like mad for the next two weeks before i start hitting my books once school reopens. i can't wait for my og 29 outing where i can be with them again. I already missed them today even though i hung out with them for a while. Tomorrow is induction, and i will be undergoing physical torture! someone save me!
8:32 pm
